Okay, so I've written my book, got it published and moved home to my beloved Hawai'i—now what?
A couple of days ago, I picked up the Julie/Julia book and the book was as good as the movie! I loved it. What a gorgeous book. What I loved most about Julie Powell, was that she was just so REAL. In fact in the movie, I thought they made her more 'sanitized' if you know what I mean. I loved her in the book because she DID swear a lot and she was so real, pulled no punches, said it like it is. I wish I could be half as real. I love that in people. I don't appreciated PC people—they drive me nuts! I like straight talkers, which brings me to the name of this blog!
The Meg/Megana Project.
I write under Megana Amor which is my 'professional' voice if you like. Then there is Meg Amor, who is also me. Both Meg and Megana are me—they just seem far apart at the moment and I want to be more real—less sanitized! More of a cohesive unit if you like.
So, here I am in Hawai'i, finally... But now what? I've been here 6 weeks now and already I can feel my itchy feet syndrome getting into gear. Arghhhhh. Why can't I be one of those damn people who love to live somewhere in the same place for a hundred years, go to the same job for a hundred years, eat at the same restaurant every Friday night...for a hundred years.
My attention span seems to be usually about 6 months—if that. There are days I crave 'normality.' Then I come across it and I hate it. It makes me just about hyperventilate. I remind myself that I 'don't do normal.' So, why do I crave it sometimes?
I think because it's so 'easy' and I say that very very loosely.
The thought of getting up every day for the next 50 years and doing the same thing, living in the same house, same town is almost enough to make me slit my wrists in a kneejerk reaction to the mere thought of it. It is 'easy' in that it seems to require little new input or aching shall I/shan't I thoughts. It's all laid out for you.
Whereas I am back at the 'what do I want' portion of my life—again.
I know that if I know what I really want in my heart, I can start manifesting it. But what DO I want? It has come down to the 'I want' question. And I haven't a clue? It's frustrating and strange. I'd wanted to move home to Hawai'i for so long—it was almost a damn odyssey. Now I'm here. And...what?
So, this is where I am starting from. The kind of nowhere, nothing space of wanting. I know I want to be more real. And I want to travel a lot with my husband. But as yet, none of it has particularly defined boundaries.
All I do know is that I have to start the wanting again. To find a new carrot to dangle in front of myself. Other people would get to their goal and enjoy it. I feel more like I just made it to basecamp... I'm acclimatizing and nearly ready for the next sprint up the mountain. It must be the Gypsy in me. I wish it felt more 'normal TM.'
